Prayer. Changes. Stuff.
I had a bumper sticker on my closet door that said "Prayer changes stuff". It might sound corny, but it's true. Obviously as a Catholic, I believe in the power of prayer, and that it indeed does change "stuff" (I don't want to make this entry too long, so if you want to read a good article on the power of prayer click here: The Mystery and Power of Personal Prayer). This entry is about the great blessing that has occurred since returning to Rome after my unexpected trip back to the States during Christmas break...
No seminary formation program is perfect, and there are strengths and weaknesses to any formation program. However, I've come to believe that staying in Rome for the remainder of my seminary formation will be the best way for me to be formed into the holiest, healthiest, happiest man I can be so that when I return to the Archdiocese of Boston in late spring of 2017 to stand in front of a (hopefully) packed Cathedral of the Holy Cross I can confidently proclaim "Present"to the Archbishop when Mother Church asks for me to be ordained a priest.
It's no secret that I was more than a little homesick since coming to Italy in July. Waking up anew each day knowing I wasn't in my homeland, that I wasn't going to see my family/friends, I wouldn't go to class in my native tongue, I wouldn't eat a meal that didn't include a pasta dish, etc...was very tiring and emotionally draining on me. The transition, I knew, would take time...I just didn't know how long, which is what created in my heart so much anxiety and uncertainty.
Think of it like being in the middle of a nature walk when suddenly, the sky grows dark and it begins to rain. Not a light summer rain thats fun to play in, but a TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR! There are strong gusts of wind blowing in your face, loud booms of thunder and flashes of lightning that make you jump. You're nowhere near a building in which you can seek shelter, and, of course, you don't have anything to cover yourself. You're completely and utterly stuck and alone. You wonder how long it will rain. You start to walk faster working yourself to a light jog, maybe even a run, trying to get off the nature path and back to civilization where you can get inside and away from the rain. It seems like it is taking forever to get out of the rain and into somewhere you can dry off. All you've seen for what feels like forever is the trees that are being tossed about by the fierce winds...but, WAIT...what is that ahead of you?! You see a building!!! You run to the door and open it and finally get in out of the storm!!!
When I returned to the College from being back home, I still felt like I was in the midst of a storm. It wasn't until the end of January when final exams began that I began to notice a shift in things. After I took two of what I thought would be my hardest finals, both professors commented that I did "very well" and answered their questions satisfactorily. Their affirmations of my exams confirmed for me what others had know all along (and that seems only I doubted), I could handle this! By the end of the 3 week exam period, I was noticing a change in my attitude towards pretty much everything that I had previously loathed (though not having the house schedule with its 6:15am Morning Prayer/Mass may have had something to do with that!)
Something else happened to cause a change in my attitude. I believe it was something other than time and teacher affirmation. I believe a reason for the change was prayer.
Many people who know I'm over here---family and friends, former co-workers and students, those from all the Life Teen's I've been involved in, as well as several people I've never met, have been praying for me daily that in addition to being formed into a holy, healthy, and happy priest, that I might find peace with being in the Eternal City and come to believe that it is God's will I be in Rome. Prayer changes stuff...
One of my biggest prayer warriors was my grams. I still remember her reaction when I told her and my gramps in summer 2007 that I was considering the seminary. Gramps looked at me and smiled, and grams, with tears of joy in her eyes said, "Kevin, it would be an honor to have a priest in the family". When I entered seminary four years later, we both would enjoy when I would visit and recount stories of seminary life as well as bringing by some of my "SemBros". She especially loved the day after Thanksgiving in 2012 when Eric came to her house to celebrate Mass for her and my aunt!. I know she was overjoyed at seeing her grandson be formed into a priest. My parents described for me the the smile on her face when they showed her pictures of the beginning of my Italian adventures. I chuckled when my dad told me she tossed out her nurse once when she came to check on her saying, "Right now I'm looking at pictures of my grandson. They've sent him to Rome to study for the priesthood".
Though her earthly journey is complete, I know she hasn't stopped praying for me. I believe that my grandmother continues to pray for me and is watching over me. And, while I don't know for certain that she's in heaven, I hold firm to the promise of the eternal life that my Lord preached, and that those who live with Him in heaven [the Church triumphant] pray and intercede for those still on earth striving to make it there [the Church militant]. Prayer changes stuff...
As I prepare to go pray night prayer, I am keeping those 3 simple words in mind as I bring all my intentions, as well as all those I hold in my heart that others have asked me to pray for, to the Lord...
Praised be Jesus Christ...
--kpl
whoops...PS: Lastly, for those who didn't see it on Facebook, this past week the faculty voted to advance me to the class of second theology for next year! Thank you to those who prayed for me when I had my evaluation, and who pray for my priestly formation. God love you!
I've finally, by the grace of God, come to acknowledge, accept, and appreciate that my being sent to Rome for theology studies is part of God's plan for my formation to the priesthood!
(SO many of you reading this just said "It's about time, PRAISE GOD!")
No seminary formation program is perfect, and there are strengths and weaknesses to any formation program. However, I've come to believe that staying in Rome for the remainder of my seminary formation will be the best way for me to be formed into the holiest, healthiest, happiest man I can be so that when I return to the Archdiocese of Boston in late spring of 2017 to stand in front of a (hopefully) packed Cathedral of the Holy Cross I can confidently proclaim "Present"to the Archbishop when Mother Church asks for me to be ordained a priest.
It's no secret that I was more than a little homesick since coming to Italy in July. Waking up anew each day knowing I wasn't in my homeland, that I wasn't going to see my family/friends, I wouldn't go to class in my native tongue, I wouldn't eat a meal that didn't include a pasta dish, etc...was very tiring and emotionally draining on me. The transition, I knew, would take time...I just didn't know how long, which is what created in my heart so much anxiety and uncertainty.
Think of it like being in the middle of a nature walk when suddenly, the sky grows dark and it begins to rain. Not a light summer rain thats fun to play in, but a TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR! There are strong gusts of wind blowing in your face, loud booms of thunder and flashes of lightning that make you jump. You're nowhere near a building in which you can seek shelter, and, of course, you don't have anything to cover yourself. You're completely and utterly stuck and alone. You wonder how long it will rain. You start to walk faster working yourself to a light jog, maybe even a run, trying to get off the nature path and back to civilization where you can get inside and away from the rain. It seems like it is taking forever to get out of the rain and into somewhere you can dry off. All you've seen for what feels like forever is the trees that are being tossed about by the fierce winds...but, WAIT...what is that ahead of you?! You see a building!!! You run to the door and open it and finally get in out of the storm!!!
When I returned to the College from being back home, I still felt like I was in the midst of a storm. It wasn't until the end of January when final exams began that I began to notice a shift in things. After I took two of what I thought would be my hardest finals, both professors commented that I did "very well" and answered their questions satisfactorily. Their affirmations of my exams confirmed for me what others had know all along (and that seems only I doubted), I could handle this! By the end of the 3 week exam period, I was noticing a change in my attitude towards pretty much everything that I had previously loathed (though not having the house schedule with its 6:15am Morning Prayer/Mass may have had something to do with that!)
Something else happened to cause a change in my attitude. I believe it was something other than time and teacher affirmation. I believe a reason for the change was prayer.
Many people who know I'm over here---family and friends, former co-workers and students, those from all the Life Teen's I've been involved in, as well as several people I've never met, have been praying for me daily that in addition to being formed into a holy, healthy, and happy priest, that I might find peace with being in the Eternal City and come to believe that it is God's will I be in Rome. Prayer changes stuff...
One of my biggest prayer warriors was my grams. I still remember her reaction when I told her and my gramps in summer 2007 that I was considering the seminary. Gramps looked at me and smiled, and grams, with tears of joy in her eyes said, "Kevin, it would be an honor to have a priest in the family". When I entered seminary four years later, we both would enjoy when I would visit and recount stories of seminary life as well as bringing by some of my "SemBros". She especially loved the day after Thanksgiving in 2012 when Eric came to her house to celebrate Mass for her and my aunt!. I know she was overjoyed at seeing her grandson be formed into a priest. My parents described for me the the smile on her face when they showed her pictures of the beginning of my Italian adventures. I chuckled when my dad told me she tossed out her nurse once when she came to check on her saying, "Right now I'm looking at pictures of my grandson. They've sent him to Rome to study for the priesthood".
Though her earthly journey is complete, I know she hasn't stopped praying for me. I believe that my grandmother continues to pray for me and is watching over me. And, while I don't know for certain that she's in heaven, I hold firm to the promise of the eternal life that my Lord preached, and that those who live with Him in heaven [the Church triumphant] pray and intercede for those still on earth striving to make it there [the Church militant]. Prayer changes stuff...
As I prepare to go pray night prayer, I am keeping those 3 simple words in mind as I bring all my intentions, as well as all those I hold in my heart that others have asked me to pray for, to the Lord...
Prayer. Changes. Stuff.
Praised be Jesus Christ...
--kpl
whoops...PS: Lastly, for those who didn't see it on Facebook, this past week the faculty voted to advance me to the class of second theology for next year! Thank you to those who prayed for me when I had my evaluation, and who pray for my priestly formation. God love you!
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