Fecisti nos ad te et inquietum est cor nostrum donec requiescat in te.
Two years ago today, Sunday August 28, 2011 I was supposed to move into St. John's Seminary in the morning, attend most of the orientation events and then rush back to Stoughton to Immaculate Conception to be a groomsman at the wedding celebration of my dear friends Paul Albert and Anna Fegan.
However, because of Hurricane *Irene*, which was predicted to make landfall in the New England area that day--plans changed. I moved my things into St. John's on Saturday 8/27, met a couple orientation leaders and said "see ya tomorrow!"
Anna and Paul made the difficult decision to start making calls saying the wedding was postponed to Monday night because of the hurricane. As *Irene* hit late Saturday night--the wind picked up, the rain pounded on the windows and roof, leaves and branches fell, and eventually power was lost.
My family and I went over to my Aunt Norine's, and it was from there that I said "goodbye" to my family and headed into SJS for my first official day as a seminarian for the Archdiocese of Boston.
The transition into SJS was an interesting one...this wasn't college, but since I had never really lived at college, I was eager to enter into a communal life, make friends with my floor mates and those who would be in First Pre-Theology with me, as well as other seminarians from "different grades". I remember being surprisingly at peace for someone who has anxiety, knowing in my heart that making the decision to leave teaching and discern priesthood in the seminary was the right move.
Though we were bombarded with paperwork, a new building to learn, a Horarium to follow (I'm 26 and I have an 11 pm curfew you say?!) and LOTS of new people--from classmates, to older men, to faculty and staff members...I remained surprisingly calm (for me). It seemed like the new men in First Pre-Theology were a good group of guys---and the older brothers in the house were doing a great job of welcoming us and helping us settle into our new home.
By early October, excitement turned to frustration as I struggled to get the hang of this philosophy business, as others in my class already seemed to grasp it. I loved the prayer routine at the seminary,(we would refer to this as the "Spiritual Pillar" of seminary formation) but was coming down hard on myself for not clicking right away with Parmenides, Anaxagorus, Anaximander and Plato (this is the "Academic Pillar"). I was impatient in letting friendships develop naturally ("Human Pillar")--and wasn't feeling like a part of the community. Yet, I still remained at peace. In mid-October while in the BC gym one night, a classmate of mine came up to me and asked if I needed help lifting. We began talking and he said, "Come with me"...and we lifted together. The next day, he asked if I wanted to go to the gym with him later that night. A routine soon developed, and he quickly became a great friend to me. A 4th year man came to my room one night just to say "hi" and see how my transition to seminary was going. We had met years earlier at Life Teen camp, but never developed a friendship. I thought that this guy was the "senior" mentoring the "freshman", and I soon poured out all my concerns about philosophy, making friends, being anxious etc. A friendship with him also developed and he became one of my best friends. The year pressed on, and by the end of the semester I had became more comfortable with philosophy, and felt a part of the community.
SO WHAT?!? What's this walk down memory lane about?
Well--today marks 2 years since I began seminary formation. Knowing myself fairly well, I look back on the past two years and see incredible growth in my prayer life as well as in my human formation. I recall the 3 pastoral assignments I've had, and how each one has challenged me in ways that have made me grow in the development of my priestly identity. I've completed the two year philosophy degree and will begin studying theology, where my academic formation will be strengthened. I will continue to develop myself pastorally, learning how to love the people of God and help lead them to Him. I will move ever closer to the day when, God willing, I receive a letter from the Archbishop of Boston calling me to present myself for Holy Orders on the day of my ordination to the Sacred Priesthood of Jesus Christ.
But today, 2 years after I started seminary formation, is different for me. Unlike the brothers I've spent the past 2 years with, I didn't return to St. John's Seminary last night. The door to Room 222 wasn't opened by me. Callan, Dave, Will, Steve, Dom and the other guys on the second floor weren't greeted to Leaver-shenanigans. I wasn't in Medeiros Classroom at 3:59 chatting about my summer to suddenly go quiet and stand up at 4pm when the Rector walked in the room for his opening conference. There will be no house job at SJS with my name on it, no sitting across from St. Paul in the chapel during Liturgies, no smiling at MaryJo on my way out of chapel to breakfast or lunch...
That's because, as most of you know (or why else would you be reading my blog?), I am now studying at the Pontifical North American College in Rome. It is a new chapter in my seminary formation. I am once again in a "new man" orientation. However this time in addition to being bombarded with paperwork, a new building to learn, LOTS of new people, there's also a new language/culture to learn and, a new city to get to know. Everything is SO different!
This transition isn't peaceful. It isn't comfortable. It is anxiety provoking, and it is challenging. My mission, is to find God working in the midst of this. I have listen for His voice, and discern with my Spiritual Director what God is doing...
I cannot hear God if I am not willing to listen. I cannot properly discern if I do not make Him, my beloved, the center of my life. I cannot face any challenge if I don't make a choice to let Him be the Lord of my life. And this can only be done in one way...and so I end this post with the English translation of the title:
However, because of Hurricane *Irene*, which was predicted to make landfall in the New England area that day--plans changed. I moved my things into St. John's on Saturday 8/27, met a couple orientation leaders and said "see ya tomorrow!"
Anna and Paul made the difficult decision to start making calls saying the wedding was postponed to Monday night because of the hurricane. As *Irene* hit late Saturday night--the wind picked up, the rain pounded on the windows and roof, leaves and branches fell, and eventually power was lost.
My family and I went over to my Aunt Norine's, and it was from there that I said "goodbye" to my family and headed into SJS for my first official day as a seminarian for the Archdiocese of Boston.
The transition into SJS was an interesting one...this wasn't college, but since I had never really lived at college, I was eager to enter into a communal life, make friends with my floor mates and those who would be in First Pre-Theology with me, as well as other seminarians from "different grades". I remember being surprisingly at peace for someone who has anxiety, knowing in my heart that making the decision to leave teaching and discern priesthood in the seminary was the right move.
Though we were bombarded with paperwork, a new building to learn, a Horarium to follow (I'm 26 and I have an 11 pm curfew you say?!) and LOTS of new people--from classmates, to older men, to faculty and staff members...I remained surprisingly calm (for me). It seemed like the new men in First Pre-Theology were a good group of guys---and the older brothers in the house were doing a great job of welcoming us and helping us settle into our new home.
By early October, excitement turned to frustration as I struggled to get the hang of this philosophy business, as others in my class already seemed to grasp it. I loved the prayer routine at the seminary,(we would refer to this as the "Spiritual Pillar" of seminary formation) but was coming down hard on myself for not clicking right away with Parmenides, Anaxagorus, Anaximander and Plato (this is the "Academic Pillar"). I was impatient in letting friendships develop naturally ("Human Pillar")--and wasn't feeling like a part of the community. Yet, I still remained at peace. In mid-October while in the BC gym one night, a classmate of mine came up to me and asked if I needed help lifting. We began talking and he said, "Come with me"...and we lifted together. The next day, he asked if I wanted to go to the gym with him later that night. A routine soon developed, and he quickly became a great friend to me. A 4th year man came to my room one night just to say "hi" and see how my transition to seminary was going. We had met years earlier at Life Teen camp, but never developed a friendship. I thought that this guy was the "senior" mentoring the "freshman", and I soon poured out all my concerns about philosophy, making friends, being anxious etc. A friendship with him also developed and he became one of my best friends. The year pressed on, and by the end of the semester I had became more comfortable with philosophy, and felt a part of the community.
SO WHAT?!? What's this walk down memory lane about?
Well--today marks 2 years since I began seminary formation. Knowing myself fairly well, I look back on the past two years and see incredible growth in my prayer life as well as in my human formation. I recall the 3 pastoral assignments I've had, and how each one has challenged me in ways that have made me grow in the development of my priestly identity. I've completed the two year philosophy degree and will begin studying theology, where my academic formation will be strengthened. I will continue to develop myself pastorally, learning how to love the people of God and help lead them to Him. I will move ever closer to the day when, God willing, I receive a letter from the Archbishop of Boston calling me to present myself for Holy Orders on the day of my ordination to the Sacred Priesthood of Jesus Christ.
But today, 2 years after I started seminary formation, is different for me. Unlike the brothers I've spent the past 2 years with, I didn't return to St. John's Seminary last night. The door to Room 222 wasn't opened by me. Callan, Dave, Will, Steve, Dom and the other guys on the second floor weren't greeted to Leaver-shenanigans. I wasn't in Medeiros Classroom at 3:59 chatting about my summer to suddenly go quiet and stand up at 4pm when the Rector walked in the room for his opening conference. There will be no house job at SJS with my name on it, no sitting across from St. Paul in the chapel during Liturgies, no smiling at MaryJo on my way out of chapel to breakfast or lunch...
That's because, as most of you know (or why else would you be reading my blog?), I am now studying at the Pontifical North American College in Rome. It is a new chapter in my seminary formation. I am once again in a "new man" orientation. However this time in addition to being bombarded with paperwork, a new building to learn, LOTS of new people, there's also a new language/culture to learn and, a new city to get to know. Everything is SO different!
This transition isn't peaceful. It isn't comfortable. It is anxiety provoking, and it is challenging. My mission, is to find God working in the midst of this. I have listen for His voice, and discern with my Spiritual Director what God is doing...
I cannot hear God if I am not willing to listen. I cannot properly discern if I do not make Him, my beloved, the center of my life. I cannot face any challenge if I don't make a choice to let Him be the Lord of my life. And this can only be done in one way...and so I end this post with the English translation of the title:
"You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you."
St. Augustine (feast day is today)
--KPL
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